The Vampiric Purity Test
Check all boxes for which your answer is "yes".
The "submit" button is at the bottom.
Are your canine teeth (top row, third from the middle) pointed?
Are they longer than the surrounding teeth?
Are they sharp enough to pierce skin?
Have your parents had to file your teeth down?
Have you drunk blood?
... that wasn't your own?
Do you like the taste of blood?
Are your lips stained red?
Do you drink blood regularly?
Do you go through withdrawal symptoms if you don't drink blood for a while?
Can you taste the difference in different peoples' blood ("I feel like Italian tonight.")?
Have you ever written parchment in blood?
Have you ever been bitten (violently or sexually) by a vampire in any blood-engorged area (neck, loins, etc.)?
Do you find kissing (sucking, biting, etc.) other peoples necks sensual and exciting?
Are you a sadist?
Is your father a devil?
Are you a devil?
Are you against the Christian religion?
Do you hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Do they hate or fear you?
Has the local priest tried to force you out of town?
Have you pledged your soul to the unholy legions?
Are you assisting in the release of the Lord of the Underworld?
Do you flinch or feel ill at the sight of a wooden cross?
... do you cower?
... do you run screaming?
Does holy water burn your skin?
Do you refuse to keep garden stakes in your yard?
Has anyone attempted to run a wooden stake through your heart?
... or a silver dagger?
Has anyone fired silver or graphite bullets at you?
Do you find cuts and bruises painless?
Do your wounds heal quickly?
...except for burns which never seem to go away?
Do you feel pain when in direct sunlight?
Does your skin burn easily?
Does your skin blister and peel when burnt?
Does your skin disintegrate when burnt?
Are all your windows boarded up and blackened?
Do you marvel at the technological advances in window tinting?
Are you phobic of tanning booths?
Do you despise the taste of garlic?
... the smell of garlic?
... the sight of garlic?
Do you avoid garlic at all costs?
Does the idea of a freshly cooked, blood filled loaf of bread repulse you?
Were you born over 100 years ago?
...over 500 years ago?
Have you been rightly executed for a crime, or committed suicide?
Is your skin pale?
Is your normal body temperature lower than 37ºC (98.6ºF)?
Are you lacking a pulse?
Do you survive without breathing?
Do you intend to be (or have you been) buried when you die?
Have you ever been resurrected?
Are you undead?
Do you sleep in a coffin?
...during the day?
Do you enjoy the night?
Do you like full moons?
Do you regularly roam around at night?
Are you fond of graveyards?
Do animals avoid you, hide from you, or become agitated around you?
Do you keep a bat (animal, not mineral)?
... a vampire bat?
Do you keep several bats?
Do you keep an army of bats that you release unto the world at night ("Fly my pretties! Fly!")?
Can you turn into a bat at will?
Can you slip through the smallest of cracks?
Must everything be neat and tidy and in order?
Does your reflection seem to be missing when you look in the mirror?
Are you invisible in photos, videos, audio tapes, or any other recording medium?
Can you get past electronic surveillance equipment (cameras, microphones, laser trip wires, etc.)?
Do you wear a cloak from your shoulders to your feet?
...that is black?
...with a high collar?
...and a nice suit underneath?
Do you wear any vampiric or unholy jewellery?
Are they made from metals other than silver?
Do people fall for your charm?
Do people look at you with suspicion?
Do they have every right to?
Do people avoid you?
Have you ever had to hide from an angry mob?
Is your home secluded and away from the prying eyes of common folk?
Do you know the local vampire population?
Do you protect your secret by destroying victims before they turn to vampires?
Must you be invited before you can enter someone's house?
Have you read Bram Stoker's Dracula?
Was Bram Stoker a personal friend of yours?
Did he come to you for ideas?
Have you read any of Ann Rice's The Vampire Chronicles?
Have you read all of them?
Were you the interviewee in Interview with a Vampire?
Do you have an Eastern European accent?
Were you born in 1431?
Were you born in Walachia?
Were you born into royalty?
Do or did you live in a Transylvanian province?
Is your name Vlad?
Now for the blood count...